In 931 Theinhko was killed by a farmer for eating his cucumbers.

In 1423 Razadarit died after becoming entangled in the rope that he was lassoing elephants with. (Serves him right)

In 1551 Tabinshweti was beheaded by his chamberlains because he was looking for an imaginary white elephant.

In 1599 Nandabayin laughed himself to death when a visitor told him Venice was a free state without a king.

So there you go. Now you're educated on everything you'll ever need to know in life. You're welcome.

This is bread:

This is cake:

There is no inbetween. I know all you old women want to go on a diet, but just can't go without your sugar. So you try to shove it into foods it doesnt belong in, thinking you're being all sneaky. Well you're not. So stop it. There's sugar in ketchup. Eat a bunch of that. But stop putting it in my food.

And for a certain restaurant (who's alternate name could be Flame Hill) I hate to break it to you, but no matter how much butter you melt on top of your pathetic in-betweens, it doesn't make them any better. Just slippier and messier.

I think we can all be in agreement that one of the best parts of life is eating pizza with someone you care about. Especially the cheesy garlic bread that comes free with pizza thanks to my handy dandy cupon book. Especially when you dip it in the garlic sauce.

Wouldn't it be a shame if you loved someone, and the only thing you wanted in life was to eat yummy delicious free cheesy garlic bread with them, but couldnt, because they were allergic to garlic? And hated garlic?And couldn't wear polka dots?

See I told you.

They also don't eat garlic. So I'm sorry Edward, but it will never work between us.
No no don't be sad. I'm sure there are brighter and better things for you on the horizon. I'll always cherish the time we've had together. It breaks my heart to see you sad but it's for the best. Just go.

*sobs*

*breaks open Ben & Jerry's*

*pops in Titanic*

*sobs some more*